i always find someone (to bruise and leave behind)
by S.J Carter
Summary: She's hard to love; she really is, because she doesn't even know how to love herself. —-StilesCora, Derek, Cora-centric


_Le notes: _Takes place right after 3x08. Possible spoilers, really AU. I never thought I would like Cora until she had a handful of scenes with Stiles and I started shipping them so hard that it's kind of sad.

Disclaimer: characters are not mine and the lyrics are from Placebo's 'Every me and every you'

_Summary: _She's hard to love; she really is, because she doesn't even know how to love herself. —-StilesCora, Derek, Cora-centric

**.**

**._.**

**i always find someone**  
**(to bruise and leave behind)**

**.**

** ._. **

all alone in space and time,  
there's nothing here, but what here's mine

**.**

**/ / /**

It breaks her heart in ten thousand different ways to hear him say that he wants to ask Derek (her _brother_) about the girl whom he loved and lost.

She thinks that, right then and there, she wants to punch Stiles in the face. For being so insensitive, for wanting to revive old memories of a long forgotten path towards broken hearts and shattered dreams. But, she holds back because, in the end, no matter how much the question would hurt Derek, she knows that it's the right thing to do.

And this time, she thinks wants to punch herself instead.

Because Cora Hale never holds back her punches. Not for anyone. And now, she was doing so and it wasn't even for herself, but for some boy whom she barely knew.

"So what? Are you just going to ask Derek about," she's hesitating, and she hates herself for it. Yet her voice is so plain and simple that it doesn't even show. "The girl he fell in love with, and then killed?" And she waits. Waits for Stiles to break, to come back to himself and tell her exactly what she wants to hear.

But Stiles defies all of her assumptions and this is what he says instead: "if I have to, yeah."

She wants to punch him; she really thinks that she does. But the problem here is that she doesn't. Since, more than anything, Stiles either sounds incredibly brave (to actually have the guts to confront Derek about all of this) or he's really stupid. Cora just sucks in a breath and holds back her tears. She looks Stiles dead in the eyes and she stays quiet for the longest of times.

The irritating chirping of crickets, the sharp howling of the winds, and the pitter-patter of light rain is what fills the air between them instead.

Sometimes, Cora wishes that she could just cry.

**.**

**/ / /**

The last time she had cried was when she was six.

And it wasn't just the typical small amount of sobbing, done by a little girl who had gotten herself lost in the woods, and had forgotten her way back. It was more like the little girl, who was balling-her-eyes-out, crying for something as idiotic as a sad ending from a storybook that her big brother had read to her before she had gone to bed.

"What's wrong?" Derek asks, patting her on the back, soothingly and softly. "It was a happy story Cora; The Little Mermaid was glad that the prince got to live happily after in the end." Derek assures her. And that's the first time that Cora realizes that her life will always consist of female role models who end up either dead or burnt to a crisp.

"But Derek," she protests because she's Cora Hale, and Cora Hale _always _protests. "Derek she _died_." Little Cora says between sobs, while her big brother wipes her tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

"No she didn't," Derek says, pointing to the last page of the book with his index finger. "See Cora, she turned in to foam."

She glares at her big brother this time, furrowing her brows while Derek just shrugs at her. "I'm not stupid Derek! I know that people don't turn in to foam when they die, remember grandma's fune…fune…" she curses herself for being unable to pronounce the incessant word.

"Fu-ne-ral." Derek easily tells her (because Derek's always stronger, always bigger, and always better than Cora could ever be). "And that's how _people_ die, not mermaids." He specifies and to be honest, it sounds so stupid. Even to himself but he really _really _hates seeing his sister cry. So he doesn't mind feeding his sister a little white lie.

Because she sucks in her sobs, and innocently turns to her big brother with bright eyes to ask "are you sure?"

Derek smiles then. A genuine smile that could only be produced by the boy he used to be before he had to take the life of the girl he first fell in love with. "Positive." He says and God help her, but Cora believes him.

She continues to believe everything Derek tells her until the night he comes home, covered in dirt and blood. And mommy shoos Cora away while she rushes to her baby boy.

Cora peaks at mommy and sees big brother's eyes change colors.

Later, she will ask him "Derek, what happened? Are you okay?"

And he'll just push her away and say "nothing Cora, I'm fine." He's lying, she's positive he is. Because no boy is _fine_ when he comes home from school, looking like he just got back from fighting a war.

After that, Cora starts to notice that her big brother isn't the same at all. She counts the days it takes for him to smile again. At one point, she realizes that the number of days is so damn high that it makes her want to cry.

But she doesn't (can't, won't ever) cry.

Because every night, Derek screams in his sleep (so loudly and so much that Cora stays up all night) and she promises him that she'll be strong for him. She vows she will.

However, years later, Cora herself becomes the world's biggest liar. Selfishly, she breaks the oath she had made to her brother.

She holds Boyd's body, his _dead _body, in her arms and the tears come so fast and so strong that she forgets that Derek's watching.

She cries almost all night, not because Boyd was her friend, but because that's yet another person added to the long (and never-ending) list of people that she's loved and lost.

People leave her behind; they always do, because she's hard to love.

She really is.

_"Everyone around me gets hurt."_

She's Derek's sister after all.

**.**

**/ / /**

Stiles stays over because he ends up stalling for time instead of asking Derek right away about his dead lover. Cora doesn't blame him but, it infuriates her to just have Stiles around. She hates how much he can irritate her just by being near her. She hates how he can get a reaction out of her, just by simply existing. It's effortless and, the worst part is that he doesn't even notice it.

And Cora thinks of how ridiculous he can be because she notices even the smallest things about him. It's not that Cora's jealous, but any idiot with a brain can see the way Stiles's pupils dilate whenever he's anywhere near Lydia Martin.

Cora doesn't know Lydia well enough to say _anything _about her at all. But, she thinks that she suits the role of the princesses from the books that Derek used to read to her. Because really, Lydia is so pretty.

"Hey," Stiles though, manages to snap her back to reality (like he has been doing for about a few days now).

"What?" She snaps, irritated beyond belief.

He shrugs though; in a sweet and familiar way that reminds her of how Derek used to be before he ended up becoming so broken. "I need a blanket." Stiles says, quite innocently. "Your house is actually colder than the Arctic Ocean, don't any of you know about this not-so-new invention? It's called a heater."

She rolls her eyes, unaware of what has him so direly moody. Perhaps he's just tired and grumpy. And he should be, because after all, it is three in the morning. "This is a house filled with werewolves," she reminds him. "We don't exactly need blankets; our body heat is enough to keep us warmer than normally needed."

He sighs, rubbing his tired temples, trying his best to reason with her. "Well I'm the human, and humans can't exactly survive in weather conditions that are perfect for penguins and polar bears." He complains, crossing his arms around his chest and shivering.

For a moment, she thinks that he might just ask her to hold him. But she shoos the thought away before she tells him "well I'm sorry, but we don't have any blankets here." And it's such a ridiculous lie that she expects him to see right through it. Just like she saw right through Derek's lies.

But this is Stiles, and he's naïve, and gullible, and prone to believe every word that comes out of her mouth.

"Fine," he says, shrugging again, "whatever." And he doesn't want to argue anymore. So he just ends up on the couch, curling himself in to a ball and falling asleep, right then and there. It's a sign of assurance, that, for once in her life, someone doesn't want to fight her. Derek's right around the corner too, and he could just beat the living shit out of Stiles. However, Stiles still refuses to move.

Like he's, not afraid. Or something. Again, he's either really brave or really stupid.

She realizes that she really envies how easily Stiles can trust people, when she can't even trust herself.

She's hard to love; she really is, because she doesn't even know how to love herself.

**.**

**/ / /**

She thinks that she first loved someone when she was four.

And it wasn't the way she loved mommy or Derek, it was kind of in the way that mommy loved daddy.

He was a boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes. His name was Ian. She's only four though, so she's not exactly sure what love is. But she has a small idea.

Her mother used to tell her tales about princesses and princes who would slay dragons and monsters for them. And she thinks that yeah, that's what love is. Sacrifice and bravery in the face of danger. But that was way before Cora became a monster herself and realized that she was never meant to be a princess in the first place.

Inevitably, with a princess turned monster, a prince was definitely out of the question.

Years later, Cora is still missing a prince but she vows that she doesn't need one after all.

Because there's an all-consuming fire that tears her house apart, and she runs, and she actually fucking survives. That's the day that she realizes, that she's her own superhero.

**.**

**/ / /**

Stiles sleeps on the couch for about three nights in a row.

He has this stupid habit of mumbling in his sleep that keeps her up most of the time. But Cora's kind of an insomniac regardless, since Derek used to scream in his sleep and Cora couldn't exactly block out her brother's sadness. But Stiles's mumbling is really something else.

He talks about…his mom. How she's sick, how Stiles holds her hand when she's in the hospital. How Scott holds his hand at his mom's funeral. How his dad almost jumps off the roof one night when he's had too much to drink and thinks about Stiles's mom passing away right before his very eyes.

Cora wonders then, if anyone's ever held Stiles in his sleep. Because he doesn't have any siblings, and Cora had Derek to hold her whenever she was young and sad. But Stiles he…he really has been alone for a while now.

Her hand flinches before she tries to stroke his hair. He really is a broken boy, through and through.

Cora wonders if _this _is what pity feels like.

**.**

**/ / /**

She first knows what it truly feels like to be left behind when her dad walks out of her life when she's just a child. He doesn't even kiss her good bye. And doesn't even leave a note. He doesn't call either.

Sometimes, she can't even remember what her father looks like.

From then on, it's this constant pattern. Of her mother and brother growing closer and closer. And then the fire which leaves her stranded. When Isaac gets kicked out, she knows that it's the right thing to do but she can't help but feel like Isaac's not supposed to go. Boyd dies when she just begins to genuinely enjoy his company.

She's left with Derek who then decides to shut down completely.

**.**

**/ / /**

Stiles finds out that Cora likes to do foolish things. Like climb on to the roof and do something as childish as count the stars. He follows her up just to make sure she's safe. She's really unaccustomed to it because Derek's usually sleeping during this time and doesn't notice. It's not like anyone else cares about her either so it's quite strange to have someone like Stiles around.

But for some odd reason, she figures she should try and be friendly to her newest housemate.

"I read that book," she says to him, randomly.

He quirks a brow.

"Heart of Darkness." She reminds him. "I wanted to know what you were talking about, so I read it."

"The whole thing?" He repeats, like it should matter to him how long it took her to read it. She nods her head.

"It's not a very long book." She tells him. "It was really…dark I guess." She comments, stating something that should be obvious by the title of the book. "But I think that he wasn't really _that_ unreliable. Marlow." She mentions the main character's name quite casually, as if she knew him. "I think he was just really emotional. All over the place."

Emotional. Something she doesn't think she could ever be again. Something she can't afford to be. Not really.

But to her surprise, Stiles agrees with her like she's got a point.

She starts to wonder if he's ever been left behind by someone other than his mother.

**.**

**/ / /**

Cora has her first alcoholic beverage when she's thirteen.

She doesn't remember why she even does it; maybe it had something to do with peer-pressure. Even though she's not the type of girl to give in to something so silly. She doesn't even think that she has that many people around her that she can classify as 'peers' anyway. But, maybe it's because society tends to think that all teens pick up drinking as a bad habit at some point. And maybe she doesn't care what anyone thinks at all.

She makes up her own rules. She drinks because she's _reckless_.

She's always been, and she won't apologize for it.

Years later, she discovers that _that _is the only promise that she's never been able to break.

**.**

**/ / /**

Stiles catches her stealing Derek's liquor one night.

He tells her something about underage drinking being horrible for her. And then, he goes on and on about how he's actually starting to sound more and more like his father. In the midst of his lecture, he realizes that Cora's actually a happy drunk. One who likes to tell him things that she would never tell anyone. Especially if she was sober.

For most of the night, they end up sharing secrets like they're old friends or something.

"I still have nightmares about the fire," she admits to him. "I mean, I think Derek does too, but we never really talk about it." She mumbles after another glass of wine.

Stiles watches her, and nods his head up and down. He delivers his sympathy to her on a silver platter because he knows what it's like to lose family. But he doesn't know what it's like to lose everyone you've ever loved. He thinks that if he were in her place, he would have just gone insane.

That night, he realizes how strong she truly is. "I have…nightmares too." He admits, all sober and shaking his head when she offers him a sip of wine as her condolence. "They're about my dad…and my mom."

And before he can elaborate, Cora shoves a hand in his face and says "I know," she tells him and he has a confused look on his visage. "You talk in your sleep." She specifies.

Stiles thinks about this girl who he knows nothing about. He wants to tell her something she doesn't know about him, because it's only fair. Because she's told him a few things he never would have guessed about her. And he's the nice guy (not to mention the fact that she has yet to kill him for staying in her house) so he guesses that he owes her at least that much.

However, Stiles finds it difficult to tell her anything new at all.

"My friend…my friend she…"

"Heather. She recently passed away. I know."

He tries to have a few drinks with her, in order to loosen up a little. It doesn't really work to his advantage.

"I…I have a crush on…"

"Lydia, I know. It's all over your face."

"I…I'm still…I'm still a…"

"A virgin, I know. You look like one, don't worry."

He didn't really want to tell her these things. But, she probably wouldn't remember his answers by the next morning anyway. He opens his mouth again, to tell her something that will not be new to her at all. He discovers that this is the hardest it's ever been for him to talk to a girl.

Then, of all things, he hears her laugh. Really _really _fucking loudly.

She shakes her head, finding out what he's trying to do. "You don't know me," she says, "no one does."

And he really doesn't know a thing about her at all. Unintentionally, she makes him think about how they're both walking similar lives. A girl and a boy who have bruises that won't heal and memories that taste like blood and death.

**.**

**/ / /**

When she's seventeen for the first time, she celebrates her birthday, all by herself in the woods, before a team of alphas decide to capture her and lock her up inside a safe.

She's alone, and cold. She wants to go back so badly, so desperately. But she can't, she can't be anywhere near Derek again.

Because she breaks everything that she touches.

And Derek deserves a chance at happiness. More than she does, she swears by it. She finds out how wrong she is the night Derek finds her and brings her home. He pats her head when she falls asleep and it almost feels like old times.

"I thought you were dead." He tells her, sounding the same. Her brother, her…_friend_.

"I kind of am," she admits, letting herself be lulled by her big brother's surprisingly tender touch. "On the inside though."

He rolls his eyes. "This," he tells her, as she lifts her head to see him, "is not the right time to be kidding around." He says, sounding just like an annoyed older sibling.

The nostalgia is very powerful.

She's so happy, so happy that she could cry. But she doesn't.

She laughs.

**.**

**/ / /**

A few days later, Derek throws Stiles out for bringing up his past. And Stiles, like the disease he is, still keeps coming back and insists on getting Derek's side of the story. He doesn't say a word to Cora but when he leaves, he hears her trying to negotiate with her brother. He thinks it's so odd, that she's taking Stiles's side over her own brother's.

He hears Derek shout in rage.

Cora doesn't cry.

**.**

**/ / /**

She hates how ironic her life is.

She thought that Derek would be the one person that would never leave her behind.

**.**

**/ / /**

In the end, Allison and Scott are like Romeo and Juliet. And Lydia sleeps with Aiden to fill a void that Stiles could never fill. Isaac is a friend who'd much rather be comforted by Scott, and even Derek has Ms. Blake to hold him while he cried.

Stiles and Cora are just the two losers who got left behind while everyone else still had someone by their side.

He finds her sleeping outside her house one night. "Don't tell me that Derek actually kicked _you _out." He says, without even offering her a kind greeting, such as 'hi' or 'hello'.

She releases a chuckle, a laugh. Her never-changing cover up to hide her brokenness. "You'd be surprised…" she begins, holding back her tears, "what bringing up a _dead_ girlfriend can do to a guy."

He sits beside her, like she actually fucking matters. "Still, you're his _sister_."

He says the words like they mean something to him. "You wouldn't know," she says, "you're an only child."

He rolls his eyes. "Scott's like my brother."

She shuts down like she always does. She's quiet and waiting for him to just leave her alone.

"Listen," he says, sounding like some sort of friend that she never asked for in the first place. "Do you wanna maybe, go somewhere with me?"

She doesn't nod her head but, it's not like she thinks it's safe to be sleeping on the pavement. So she just follows him and doesn't even bother asking him where he's taking her. They end up on his highschool terrace; he sits there, twiddling his thumbs while she looks around the place.

It's all so new to her.

"I used to come here when I was a kid," he says. "When my…dad, he'd come home really late from work and Scott's mom would come home late from work too. So we'd hang out here." The nostalgia makes him trail off in to another world. Of two little boys who had each lost a parent. But her silence is what makes him say the following.

She just stares at the sky, looking as empty as ever. He's trying to make her feel better for God's sake; can't she at least thank him, for once?

"I could know you, you know?" He refers to an old conversation she once drunkenly shared with him. And he wonders if she even remembers her own words. "I could, if you would just let me." If she hadn't spent years upon years building walls around herself.

He expects her to walk away. But this is what she says instead "I don't need anybody Stiles. I never have." She's no good for him anyway, she thinks.

"You don't have to pretend like everything's okay all the time Cora."

"Just…" she struggles to find her words when someone as simple as Stiles Stillinski has her figured out. "Go home Stiles."

"You just don't want to get hurt again. I know what that's like."

"Shut up."

"You don't want to be alone anymore."

"Be quiet."

"You don't want to break—"

"I'm not broken!" She shouts, getting to her feet and pointing a claw in his direction. This, she thinks, will finally make him stop. This will force him to leave her alone. To understand that she's not a princess like Lydia, she's a fucking monster.

Stiles takes a step towards her instead. "I think you're scared," he says, with bravery that she finds quite alien on him. Yet, it's ever so familiar because this is the boy who faced Derek about his past. "You're scared that you'll end up losing all the things that you've just begun to regain."

He's right. He's so fucking right that it stuns her.

She's not just scared; she might as well be terrified. Because she swears that she can't remember the last time that a mere boy was able to make her heart beat so fast.

**.**

**/ / /**

Stiles stops staying over and it makes her wonder if she's easy to forget, hard to love.

_You don't know me, no one does_.

She stares at herself in the mirror; the eyes, pupils, and irises of a _mad_ woman (who's lost everything and everyone she's ever cared for) look back at her.

_I don't even know myself._

**.**

**/ / /**

**End**

**/ / /**

**.**

_Le more notes_: I have a thing for rareships so that's why I love these two. But sadly, I did not find many stories about StilesCora (not on this side anyway) so I decided to write one up. I know Cora's a bit OOC (yes I did take many liberties because we weren't offered many details about her past) but I tried my best and I hope you do still leave me a review telling me what you thought!

**_—Xoxo Carter_**


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